Traveling without my baby, and other strange experiences

I would like to start off by saying that you will all notice that I did NOT make this post at 2AM.  That's because I was asleep!  I slept until 430!!  Then, I got up, finished packing the little stuff that I was going need, and made sure that I had plenty of time to cuddle my baby before leaving.

It was really strange to get through security without my toddler on my hip, husband breaking down the stroller and tons of snack foods and busy work for a little one on the belt..  I put my purse, carry-on bag and shoes on the belt, walked through and that was that.

I did my best to no cry when we left this morning, then I had to continue to not cry because if I would have, then sister Amie would have started, which would have taken Madi (Amie’s baby girl) down….and that’s no way to start a girls’ weekend in Napa.

But we all played it cool….then THEY (meaning Amie and Adrienne) got margaritas.  At least I got to smell them…..they were nice enough to let that happen.  Love these ladies!

We made it to the Orange County Airport…Not the most beautiful of airports (at least at our gate), so we are people watching, and WOW!!!  Are there some people here to watch!!  If I could, I would assemble some folks that I know who could do ambush makeovers.  (come on, you know that you can be just as catty!)  I’m so happy that I’m traveling with ladies who understand me…..we’ve had some of the most excellent laughs.

We got to San Fransciso, and that’s when I learned that there is no way on this earth that I ever want to own a Prius.  Yeah, yeah….eco friendly, I get it, but it’s just a strange vehicle.  And when you connect the blue tooth, your phone  starts playing music!  Guess that this little regular, non-bluetooth car driving girl isn’t used to stuff like that.

Driving in Cali isn’t necessarily my idea of fun, either….I could do without the lane drifting, the busses that randomly pull out and all of the other Prius drivers who know what’s going on with their car.  For the life of me, I can’t remember that you have to push a darned button to put the thing in park.  I mean, COME ON!!  There’s no key!  What am I supposed to do with that?!  But I digress….

California is all about excess…..I get it.  But then, we got to the house….and DAMN!  The massiveness of this place is just ridiculous.  I felt like an inadequate little country bumpkin…as though this was the first time that I had ever worn shoes.  As one person put it, “If this is where they choose NOT to live…..”  Don’t’ get me wrong, it is a lovely house.  All kinds of space, beautiful views, gorgeous floor plan….but it’s just so BIG.  This house really made me realize that while I may have always dreamed of living in a mini-mansion, I really wouldn’t want to.  It’s so large that I could live here with my family and never see them.  And that would be sad…..that’s having a nice house, but not a home.

I will say, however, that it would be perfect for a family holiday where everyone meets here for  a few days….I say that because everyone would enjoy each other’s company, then could go to their separate corner and there would be no blood-shed.  Everyone could get a break from all of the “Family togetherness” when necessary.  That would be nifty.

This place is, however, perfect for 12 ladies who enjoy spending time together, but can also do just fine not.  No one takes a decline to an invitation to do an activity as a personal affront.  Case in point, we all had a lovely dinner at a tapas restaurant called Jole last night.  We drove back to the house, everyone came inside and some of us took showers and went to bed, some hung out together in the kitchen, some took some quiet time to read.  And we were all OK with that.  It’s really nice to be able to spend time with women who don’t see the necessity in cat fights.  We all have better things to do with our time than start girl fights, harbor jealousies, or gossip behind someone else’s back….better things to do like, say, drink wine (well, at least SOME of us can drink wine, the rest of us are left to sniff the wine of others.

I am definitely looking forward to what today is going to hold.  Lots of tours, lots of fun, and lots of relaxation for this chick right here.

So, here we sit…I’ve talked to Matt and KP.  She had fun at The Little Gym, then daddy took her to get lunch.  They went home, she had a nap, ate some mac-n-cheese, and they went to the park.  She’s alive and well…..and so am I.

Today, Daddy and Katie-Pie are going to the car show, and we are heading out to the wineries.  I'm definitely enjoying my big girl time!

It's A Bright, New Day! Back To Our Normal Neuroses.

Well, I am happy to say that I slept until 3AM!!  This is feat, considering that I've been waking up at 1230, 1, 2 o'clock in the morning for the past....oh, like three weeks.  UGH!

I must say that I have to attribute this to my final openness and willingness to let go and let God.  When I decided to cut the mean girls out, to forgive their transgressions and sincerely pray for them and their well-being, when I prayed for forgiveness for my part in the whole situation, my heart was lifted....the weight was gone, and there was happiness where there had once been extreme sadness.

Now, I am free to have anxiety attacks about leaving my little girl for the next four days.

Don't get me wrong....I have absolutely no reservations about leaving her with her daddy for these days.  The only time that I have ever seen a man love his little girl like this was how my grandfather loved me.  She will be in good and capable hands, no doubt.

It's just that I won't be here.

This will be the first time since she was conceived, that I will be away from her for longer than a few hours.  Even when she goes to school, I know that in four hours, she and I will be having a juice box and cuddled up for nap time.

Here are the questions that plague me:

Will she eat?  (something other than yogurt, Cheerios and pancakes?)

How will she go to sleep?  (she and I always cuddle until she's asleep, then Matt moves her to her bed)

What's going to happen if she cries for me?! (Lord help me if she thinks that I have abandoned her!  How could I live with myself??)

Will she eat mac-n-cheese the way that daddy makes it?  (I'm pretty sure that we have different techniques for making the stuff in the blue box, I'm terrified that she's going to starve herself for four days!)

Will she stay on schedule?

Am I going to miss a spectacular milestone while I am gone?

Will she go willingly to the potty?  Will she let go of the paci?  Am I scarring her for life?  Is she too young for me to leave her like this????

Maybe I would feel less guilty if this were an actual business trip, not just a girls' trip.  Maybe, but I doubt it. I have such deep respect for you moms (and dads) who regularly have to be away from your kids.  My heart sincerely goes out to you.  I have enough guilt going to the grocery store and leaving her at home from time to time.  What the h#(@ am I doing leaving the state?!?!?

But I need to do this.  I missed the last girls' trip.  KP was still nursing around the clock and there was no way that I could have gone.  Matt told me that I needed to go.  (Again, I can't express what a wonderful husband he is!)  He has encouraged me to join my sister and go have some fun.  I plan on it....I guess that I'm just a little scared to actually do it.

I am certain that I will be bawling as my sisters and I leave for the airport....I'll do my best to not cry in front of my Munchkin.....not to linger and draw it out.  Just like when I shoo hubby out of the house before she reduces to a heap of tears.....

We'll Tango often.  I'm going to need to.  I'm dragging my netbook (it's loaded with pics of my baby).  And I'll wait to hear her say, "Hi, Mommy!" every day that I'm away.  And when I get home, I won't stop cuddling her.  And she'll spend the night sleeping next to me...or on top of me....or with her foot in my mouth, drooling on my knee (yes, we've had that one happen a couple of times), a toddler elbow in my ear....you get the picture.

And, she won't be scarred for life, having to constantly deal with a deep-seated fear of abandonment and wondering why her mommy left her......And life will return to normal.

Oh, and I'll miss Matt, too!  =o)

In all, I know that by taking this time, I'll return a better, more relaxed wife and mother.  Now, I just have to make myself pack............

My sweet, darling snookums.   And my husband.

Friends, Frienemies & Finally Being Freed From Drama!!!!

I have some of the most awesome ones in the world.  In fact, I'll be travelling with some of them later this week.  It is a much needed vacation, with some much needed time with my sisters.  I know that they will be able to help me heal from the pain caused by finally accepting the truth about someone who hurt me very deeply.

A friend of mine recently told me that only the truth can hurt me.  He's right.  Especially when that truth involves being betrayed on a deep level.  But I am stronger than my hurt!  I have chosen to be the bigger, better person and I cut ties with that person.  It's the best thing that I can do for both of us.  I wish her nothing but the best for her and her family.  I hope that she finds whatever it is that she's looking for, and I will always pray that whatever pain that she has been caused in her life that causes her to behave in the way that she has will be erased by His healing hands.  That's all that I can do at this point.

I made a couple of cuts to my friends list on Facebook, and already, I feel a lot more free.  I'm sure that me doing that will have its own set of repercussions, but I'm ok with it for two reasons.  First, and foremost,  I must protect the emotional health of my family: my daughter that's here, my baby that's coming, and my husband.  I felt that this was getting difficult to do with this person in my life, and I choose my family over petty, mean-girl behavior.  Second, the people who are really and truly my friends know who I am, despite the lies that this person told about me.  They are still there, and I know that they always will be....they are awesome and amazing like that, and I am thankful for the blessing of their friendship each and every day.

Petty behavior has no place in life.  If people would remember that.....goodness!  Would life be easier!  Honestly, let's rid ourselves of these stupid "mommy wars"!  As long as someone isn't emotionally, mentally, or physically abusing their children, it's your business on what you do with your kids.

I choose to be the best mom for my daughter that I can possibly be.  I had what most would consider, a near perfect childhood.  I wouldn't trade it for anything....I had two loving, caring and doting grandparents who raised me.  A host of great aunts and uncles who loved me like no one else, and the most wonderful aunts that a girl could ever ask for.  I never worried about where my next meal was coming from, or if the electricity was going to get turned off....I only worried about getting overheated while running around in our expansive backyard and making sure that I made the honor roll.

I did wish, however, that my grandparents would have been able to do some of the stuff that other kids' parents were able to do when we were in elementary school.  You know, be room mom during class parties, chaperone field trips, come have lunch with me at school sometimes....but it wasn't in the cards for me....not only were they raising two other kids at the same time, but my grandparents were running a business and my grandmother worked hard at that AND her own job.  Those kinds of activities weren't something that they really had time for.  Now, mind you, my grandmother ALWAYS came to my choir and band concerts, and never missed my performance in a play, but sometimes, I wished that she would have been able to just hang out with me at school like the other moms did.

I do for my daughter, what I wish my grandmother would have been able to do when I was in school.  I hand-crafted her birthday party invitations and decorations, made the decorations for her room, scrapbooked her infancy, bake and decorate cookies for her MDO class.... (I know that I over compensate....big time, and I have to be careful about that.....I want her to have her own neuroses, not mine.)  I choose to be this kind of mother for her.  It's not to slight anyone else.  I've never said that I'm a better mom than anyone else.  I'm not trying to prove that I'm some sort of super mom and someone else isn't.  Being Mommy is a hard enough job on its own.  Dear mercy, is it hard!  But, my friends know this about me.  They understand that.  They "get it".  They shake their heads at me, and they help me with whatever project  I'm working on that day.  And they love me......craziness and all.  And I love them.  I was recently able to put my philosophy into words: "There is a choice between excellence and sanity.  I choose excellence."  (Now, after KP's birthday party, I may just have to choose sanity....at least for a little while, so that I can get some sleep, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.)

What hurts about the 'situation', is that I held this person as a friend.  Gave her my trust, opened up to her....and it seems that she never took the time to understand me.  She took my drive to be the best mom for my little girl to be some "I'm better than you" statement.  And after she separated me from the group, she told lies about me.  Then, she put someone else in it.  Someone who looked past what she had heard, and learned about me, and decided that I was worthy of her friendship.....no, even more....she decided that I was worthy of her sisterhood.  I am very thankful for that.  I hope that the others from our group can see past the falsehoods that they have been fed.

But I'm not going to plead my case to them.  Instead, I am going to let the truth reveal itself.  That's the best thing to do in a case like this.  An extremely wise woman once told me, "The more you try to clear mess like this up, the worse it makes you look.  The best thing you can do is live your life the way that you know is right."  That woman was my beloved grandmother.  She's never steered me wrong......so now, I'll keep on down the path that she started me on.

Why I do the things that I do.  

Because I think that we could all use some cuteness to start the Monday

KP and her BFF trick-or-treating

 

Elmo hair bows.  Courtesy Miss Julie, owner of Alexandra's Fashions
Visit her Facebook page here:  https://www.facebook.com/Alexandrashairbows

Hop on Pop, then collapse.

I can put my hat on all by myself

See my halo?

And the smiles just won't quit!

 Since it's Monday, I wanted everyone to have a little smile on their face as they get through the day.  Now, I'll admit....this kiddo is a cutie!  I may be biased, just look at these pictures, and tell me that this face doesn't make you smile at least a little bit!

A little light reading before bed.

On Faith and Science

I was laying in bed, awake as per the usual for this time of the morning of late, when I started thinking about what my next post should be about.  I considered writing about why I would love to have a dog, but won't be waging that campaign anytime soon.  I also thought about writing about how I am so against getting a minivan, but with the pending need for a double stroller approaching soon, I'm not sure if Fe (my mom-mobile) can handle that....and soooo many other moms who have made the switch tell me about the awesomeness of them....

Instead, I was thinking, I mean seriously thinking, about how I reconcile my faithful mind with my scientific mind.  I think that it's important to share.  It could help someone to understand me better.  If it does, then that's great.  Otherwise, I'm almost certain that someone will print out a copy of this entry and take it to the main offices of the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston, and try to have me excommunicated from the Catholic Church.  We'll see....so, just bear with me while I flesh this out to you, my readers (all two of you, LOL!!)

Yes, Faith and Science CAN peacefully co-exist

Or, as I like to call it, how my strange mind works.

I was brought up in Central Texas, in a Christian family.  Not the "go to church every Sunday and Wednesday, fire and brimstone, God's gonna get you" kind of Christian family, mind you....but one where I was taught about God and that Jesus is His son and our salvation.  I went to AME churches, Baptist churches, and Catholic churches growing up.  I would enjoy the 'show' at some of the more animated churches (hey, I was, like 5, give me a break!), and at the more reserved ones, I would find myself staring at the paintings and stained glass, trying to understand the picture....kinda like a "Magic Eye" picture...never quite got the meaning, nor could I really see the picture...so, I let it go.  I mean, I would participate in Easter programs and Mother's Day programs at my great-aunt's church, attend Sunday school at the church that I lived next door to, but nothing ever really clicked for me.  

Then, one day my whole world changed, and my beloved Granddaddy passed away.  I couldn't understand. It wasn't fair.  I was just a kid, being raised by my grandparents, and I needed him, and God took him away.  The anger set in, and I just kind of gave up.  I didn't stop believing, mind you....just gave up on trying to find comfort in the God that could punish a young girl like that.  I continued, for a while, with Sunday School, but eventually quit going.  I focused on my homework, and watching "Doug" on Sunday mornings while helping my grandmother make Sunday dinner.  We did our best to get to our "New Normal".  My brother had gone off to college, my aunts had headed off to Fort Worth, my mom was flying (flight attendant) a lot, and my father...well....he's my father.  

I got a hamster, much to my mother's fear and loathing, but she got over it.  Pooky became an integral part of our little family.  Mama, Pooky and me.   Then, he died.  I experienced lots of death over the next few years and lost more and more faith in the fact that God cared.  

I headed off to college in search of answers.  I was looking for answers in a textbook.  Something that I could wrap my head around, something that could be proven using the scientific method.  I chose to study science.  More specifically, biology and evolutionary theory in undergrad.  Still, no textbook had an answer for me.

Then one day, I was riding my bike after work, wallowing in the still fresh grief of my grandfather's passing (which had been years earlier, I just never had really dealt with it), when it hit me.  I mean really, seriously, no kidding, lightning bolt out of the blue-knock me off of my bike hit me.  It was like....no, it WAS a voice coming from inside of me, outside of me, all around me, incredibly loud, but crazy quite all at once.  It came from no where and every where at the same time....and I was not afraid.  The voice said to me, "For as much as you love him, I love him infinitely more.  I loved him enough to set him free from the body that was wracked with disease.  His time there on Earth was done, and it was time to call him home."

I absolutely could not breathe.  I knew that I had heard it, but no one else seemed to have been phased by that voice.  And suddenly, everything around me was so much more clear and bright.  My breath and senses returned to me and I cried.  Right there on the sidewalk in front of Sbisa, I sat and cried....and I felt healed.  I saw beauty where I had never seen it before.  Some part of me was all better and renewed, and I could not deny it.

Ok, ok....now you're wondering, where does science come in?  I'm a little lost, and getting slightly bored...wait for it.....we'll get there, I promise! 

So, I started churching it up again.  But none of the places that I went to really jived with what I now knew.  Frustrated again, I tried to explain my theory of God and science to some of my more knowledgeable Christian friends.  My theory goes like this:

There is too much order to this chaos for it to all be random.  God is the Creator of all existence.  Nothing is beyond Him, for He is all.  If He wanted (the proposed and generally accepted theory of) evolution to happen, who are we to say that He didn't?  All that the theory says is that we share a common ancestor with other primates.  (Well, that's very watered down, but you get the idea).  I have studied molecular genetics, evolutionary theory, botany, developmental biology.....and it all shows how beautiful and wonderful God's creation is.

They laughed at me.  They told me that it was impossible to be a scientist AND a Christian at the same time.  I was going to have to choose...change my major and accept God, or stay a biologist and be a heathen.  So I left it alone.  On my own, I understood that for me, science doesn't exist to try and disprove God's existence....quite the opposite.....science exists to glorify Him.  To see the beauty of His creation on the atomic level is amazing.  Check out this 1977 film called "The Powers of Ten".  It puts lots of things into perspective.

So, anywho, to make a looooooong story a little bit shorter, I finally found a home. I decided to join my church in 2006, after hearing the priest say, "We don't know if we have all of the truth.  This is how we choose to believe.  Our Baptist brothers and sisters across the street have some of the truth.  Our Methodist brothers and sisters up the way have some of the truth.  Our Jewish brothers and sisters have some of it, too.  If we could begin to see past what makes us different, and focus on what makes us the same, then this world would be in a lot better shape.  We are called to pray for all.  Believers in Christ and non-believers in Christ."  After Mass one day, I approached Father and asked him about his stance on evolution.  His response was simple and honest: "Who are we to say that it didn't happen?  God can do whatever He wants.  He can change whatever He wants, whenever He wants, however He wants to do it.  He's God."  And I got it!  I knew that I had finally found a home where I wouldn't be persecuted for being who I am.  Who God made me to be.  Faithful biologist.

Now, you make ask, "Hey, biologist, explain that whole Virgin birth thing."  Simple....While my rational, scientific mind tells me that there is no way humanly possible that a Virgin gave birth to a child, my faith tells me that God made it happen, because He can.  And, I put my whole trust in my faith.  You see, science can only explain so much, but faith can explain everything else.  I've seen and experienced too much in my life to believe anything different.

I don't beat people over the head with my beliefs.  That's not my job.  I don't preach it from the mountain tops....it's not my style.  Besides, the final judgement isn't up to me anyway.  What I do is tell people openly and honestly, my thoughts when they ask.  I truly feel that you catch more flies with honey, so I'll lead by sweet example (most of the time, I hope).  I'm not sure if I'll ever change anyone's mind (again, not my job) but all that I ask for is respect for my beliefs:  That faith and science can be happy together....it just makes sense.

Oh, the stuff that you can think about when you can't sleep

I've been up for a few hours now.  Luckily, I'm almost caught up on Once Upon A Time (OUAT), which means that four hours of HD DVR recording space is freed up.  Hubby will like that!  So will the Munchkin....that means that her precious week of The Wiggles, Sesame Street, and Super Why won't be in so much danger of getting erased before tomorrow evening (when I do it manually).

 I've thought of many interesting things to write about on my blog, and I feel that I can do it here, more so than my Facebook page.  I like to try and skate the PC line a little more there, but here, I'd like to delve into some more thought provoking topics such as, who gives the best manicure in Clear Lake, why I get my hair chemically altered, and the difference between 'affect' and 'effect'.  Not really, but you get the picture.

Though I *should* be working on stuff for Munchkin's party, I'm afraid that the noise level would wake her and hubby.  Instead, I'll tackle the first of my "heavy" topics:

I am NOT the nanny!

Pardon me for shouting.  But really....I think that I have a sign on my head that reads, "Say Stupid Stuff To Me, Please!!"  To keep it easy, here's a list of some of THE most stupid things that people have said to me regarding my child (and my typical response):

• "When did you get her?"
• "When she was conceived"

• "Do you know who her daddy is?"
• "Yup."

• "Do you know who your baby-daddy is?"
• "I don't HAVE a baby-daddy."

• "How did you get that baby to be so light-skinned?"
• "I drank bleach while I was pregnant."
• I DID stop saying this one to people, because I was afraid that someone would take me seriously and really try to do this....never, NEVER underestimate ignorance.

• "Are you worried that her hair is going to be kinky like black people's hair?"
• "Nope."

• "Girl, you know what it's like being a single mom, tryin' to make them ends!!  You better get her daddy on support and get you some WIC!"
• "No, actually, I have no idea what it's like being a single mom.  I have a wonderful husband, who is also the father of my child, who supports us in every way that a husband is supposed to.  But thanks for assuming that I'm part of some stereotype."

• "How much do you get paid for watching her?"
• "I don't 'watch' my daughter.  Her father and I raise her.  She pays me in hugs and kisses."

• "Oh, so you're happy being the white man's breeding stock?"
• "First of all, normal people do not refer to it as 'breeding'.  Normal people call it, 'having children with someone you love deeply'.  Secondly, you're an idiot."

• "Is your baby half?"
• "No, she's all human."

• "When is that girl going to get some hair?"
• "When she's ready."

• "How did you find a family to hire you as a nanny?"
• "I am NOT the nanny.  I am her mother."

Oh, I could go on....but you get the picture...And this stuff comes from adults.  People who should know better....

I do wonder if people say these things to me to see what kind of response or reaction I'll give.  Do they expect me to "go all ethnic" or something?  To prove a stereotype about Black women?  I mean, I truly don't get it.....

If anyone out there can offer some insight, I'm more than happy to listen.

Now, that's enough heavy stuff....it's the weekend.  Here's some absolute cuteness to lighten the mood.

 

Ok, I've **FINALLY** given in

Well, I guess that the time has passed for me to do this, so here goes.....I'm going to write....about my life, my  family, the insanity contained therein, my addiction to judge shows and Pinterest, and my possible need for therapy.  Can't be all that difficult, right?  I mean, only about a zillion people blog every day....just type, click and there you go........

That being said, welcome to my little slice of craziness that I like to call life....

Here's my little family....I have the world's most wonderful husband!  He's let me drive him insane since beginning in 2006/07 ish, decided to marry me in 2010 and is still around.  I couldn't have built a better man for myself than him.  And that's the little Munchkin.  She's almost two, and it scares me how fast time has gone by since she was born.  Good thing that she loves to snuggle, because I honestly can't get enough of her!

I'm currently in the process of planning her big second birthday party.  We didn't do a first birthday party because, well frankly, it would have been more for me than her and all of her friends were still really little.  But this year is different!  It's a Sesame Street themed party, complete with (what I hope will be) as much party awesomeness for toddlers as possible.  Of course, I won't share details just yet.....but don't despair.....as soon as it's over, there will be pictures.  Dear mercy, will there be pictures....(side note: this is, quite possibly, THE most photographed child in the world, no kidding!)

Anywho....that's is what is currently up in my life.  That, and the fact that Baby #2 will be arriving in July!  Baby #2 is currently nicknamed "Jellybean", but we'll see how much longer that name lasts.  We don't know, and won't find out, if Jellybean is a boy or a girl until s/he is born.  Yes, we're old fashioned like that.  But really, 1) babies are blessings, 2) you can't send it back for the other model, and 3) we looooove how it drives everyone else crazy!  We should be set on baby stuff for a couple of months (all of Munchkin's newborn stuff is gender neutral) so the crazy clothes shopping won't have to happen until Jellybean is about 3 or 4 months old.  (Munchkin wore NB sizes for a looooooooooong time).

Oh, did I mention that my sisters and our girlfriends are heading to Napa Valley next week?  I'm nervous, only because I've never been away from Munchkin for more than several hours...now, it's going to be FOUR DAYS!!  Thank the dear Lord for Tango!  But more details on that at a later time.  For now, I must get back to working on Munchkin's party.  Yes, I know that it is 0330, but I can't sleep, so I might as well make good use of my time, right?  Blogging and party planning.

 I promise that I'll get more interesting.....that always seems to happen to me anyway!