Ok, I did it. I judged another parent today. And yes, I do feel bad about it, but before you judge me know this: 1) I think that 99% of the time, 99% of parents are just doing their best to bring up good people (there is that small number of people who just should NOT be responsible for another living human being); 2) While I did judge this parent, I also felt bad for her at the same time; 3) While I did judge this parent, I also felt bad for the kid at the same time.
Here's the set-up:
Tots, Toots and I were in CFA for a girls' lunch. (I know, I know....it's fast food and all that jazz, but work with me, here). We sat across from a mom (at least I assume that she is the mother) her 4 year old son, and her toddler daughter. Tots was happily munching on her chicken nuggets, apple juice, and my chicken tortilla soup. I was having an original and a sweet tea. The four year old boy (I know that he was four, because he told several people his age) ate three original sandwiches, a large order of waffle fries, a box of chicken strips, a large (adult) soda, which was refilled a couple of times, a milk shake, and some cookies. In one setting. And when he slid out of his seat, he could not walk around the table without wheezing. And his mom just smiled and laughed and called him "Her little Gordito".
How incredibly sad. And, I judged them.
But here's my side of it. How in the world could you let your child eat THAT MUCH in one setting???? How could you not feel that something was wrong with this situation? He could very well have an emotional or medical issue which causes him to eat this massive volume of food in one setting (Prader-Willi syndrome first came to mind, but there were other physical characteristics typical of PWS that were not obviously present here). Maybe his mother doesn't know any other way to interact with her child, other than food. I mean, Tots LOVES her CFA, no lie....but if we don't eat it, she may get upset and all, but she's more than happy to do something else fun.
It's sad that there is the possibility that their relationship as mother and son is purely based on food. It's also sad that she may not know how to BE with her child, or communicate with him in ways that don't involve food. It's terribly heart-breaking to think that this child may have a severe emotional, mental, or medical problem that causes this...and that his parents either don't have the resources, or the knowledge, or don't care to get him help. His mom *seemed* all to happy to call him 'Gordito'....this is not to say that she's not torn up inside. Maybe she does know that something is wrong, but has resigned herself to this fate. But what about HIS fate? This poor boy is a walking time-bomb who could very well not see his 10th birthday, let alone his 6th.
I'm going to assume that she loves that boy with all of her heart. I'm also going to assume that all of her decisions regarding her son are based on the love that a mother has for her child. I'm even going to assume that he is the apple of her eye....and that maybe, just maybe, she doesn't know any other way to express her love for him, except through food....and that's sad. Yes, I know that in the South, nothing says "I love you" like a plate of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and gravy, green beans and mac & cheese, served with a big ol' glass of sweet tea and followed by some pecan pie with ice cream. I get it. I'm Southern. But still......
And what about the little girl? Is she going to grow up, ultimately without her brother? Is she going to think that this is normal? What's going to happen when she has children of her own?
When I got married, I decided to put my husband's health and happiness on the top of my "Things Most Important To Me" list...above my own, even. When I became a mother, my children's health and happiness went on that list as well. They are my responsibility. It is my duty to them to make sure that they are, first and foremost, healthy (not eating junk food all of the time), then that they are happy (having some M&M's, or chips on occasion). I'm not opposed to fast food, sugary snacks, and cupcakes on occasion, but my kids aren't going to make multiple meals per day out of those foods. Even Cookie Monster understands that cookies are a "sometimes" food. If either of mine, or even Hubby, ate like that...I tell you that we'd be in a doctor's office so quickly, everyone's heads would be swimming!
So, in the end...I judged, and I felt bad about it, because I don't know the story of their family. But, I hope that someone can help before it's too late.
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