You know the one...the "Bad Mommy Moment". I had one just today. It's been a looooooong time since the last one (thank goodness), and maybe it's the sleep deprivation, maybe it's the fact that it's the second day/night of newborn cluster feeding. I haven't slept in a while...not decently.....but still, it's no excuse.
I almost lost my cool with my big girl. And it wasn't fair to her that I got so frustrated. You see, just a little while ago, we were so close to being potty trained. Then, Ems arrived (ahead of schedule), and all of KP's potty progress went down the toilet....I sat her on the potty this morning and she started wailing like someone had cut her arm off. That siren scream where all you can see are tonsils and she gets super high pitched (and you think that your ears are going to bleed), she starts hyperventilating, and in between sobs, she's screaming, "I'M DONE!!! I'M DONE!!", all the while peeing in the potty but she doesn't realize it. And for a moment, all that I wanted to do was say to her, "I am so over all of this stupid potty training! Why won't you just calm down and use the stupid potty?!?!?"
Then, I took a deep breath and reminded myself of several things. 1) She's trying to adjust to having Ems around. 2) She's only 2. 3) It's one of the few things that she feels that she has control over right now. 4) Such thoughts are completely contrary to my style of being a mommy. I'm out to savor as many moments of my kids' childhood as possible. Why, at that moment in time, did I feel the need to rush her through this stage? Because I'm tired of buying Pull-Ups and would really like for her to wear all of those cute girlie panties that I've bought for her? Because I'm so wanting her to be an advanced, over-achieving kid who is always at the top of EVERYTHING? Because I want people to say, "I'm not surprised that she's already fully potty trained. She is super smart!" (As if using the potty has anything to do with smarts.....)
I don't really have a good reason....h3ll, I don't have a reason at all.....everyone is just super-duper frustrated about all of these changes that have happened to our family at once. (Now don't get me wrong....we love the chaos of having a toddler and a newborn. I wouldn't change a thing! We love these girls so much, I get choked up just thinking about it.)
Then, I stopped, took a deep breath and announced to hubby: "She's not ready and we're all too frustrated. Let's just take a break from potty training."
And all three of us breathed a sigh of relief...it will be ok....she can use it when she wants to, but we're aren't going to hog-tie her to the potty.
Now, I'm going to ask her to forgive me. Just because I'm ready for her to use the potty 100% of the time, doesn't mean that she is. I'm going to back up, and let her do her thing....she won't go to high school in Pull-Ups (right?? In my current overly exhausted state, I could see me now scouring the internet for juniors' size 3 training pants for my 14 year old to wear under her skinny-jeans...I mean, I did just have a nightmare about her not being able to read and write at 7 and getting kicked out of high school....yes, high school at age 7).
Here's to hoping that I don't impart my own personal neuroses on my sweet little girl! I just keep reminding myself, "She's two. TWO! Not 12, not 15....she's my sweet potato Katie-Pie. And I'm going to enjoy all of the moments with her that I can....
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